January 1st, 2006


Mood swings...and New Year Celebrations

First and foremost:
Happy New Year to all of you! I truly wish you all the best for 2006, let it be full of joy, peace and fulfillment. I love you all *hugs -list*

So... the 30th was def a day to forget, I'm already erasing it, I was too busy clucking around my dad like a mother hen to pay attention to anything else.

31th was better. I woke with a brand new 2006 resolution of stopping fussing and worrying like mad, to let things unfold and stop thinking of a billion "What If?"s... to live my life avoiding angst-ing by myself, and focus a bit more on myself as well. I couldn't let the worries for my family stop me anymore, making me slow down MY life, university, friends and the like.
(BTW, the brand new resolution lasted a grand total of 1 day, but I'll get to that later...)

One bad thing about it was that I felt sick as dog, without having fever or cold... I started Thursday evening feeling a bit nauseous. I had it still Friday morning, but dismissed it and ate a sandwich for lunch anyway... and then things got worse, way worse. To avoid dad stuffing himself with vitello tonnato (meat with mayonnaise and tuna) I ate it, even if I felt like throwing up. Thankfully it stayed down, but I spent the evening feeling so sick...Giulia knows.
Saturday was the peak. I woke up feeling like the night before and it stayed with me all day. I ate no breakfast and only 1 apple for lunch. Then we visited my grandparents, I ate 2 biscuits and then she made me tea with lemon, and THAT made me sick...how is that possible?!?
So I ate no dinner, just drank some tea again at 10PM, then some champagne with panettone at midnight and thankfully no sick feeling.

Before waiting for midnight, I went with my parents to the movies. I really wanted to see Narnia, dad too, but mom said we should wait to see if my cousin wanted to check it out as well, so we ended up seeing a retarded italian movie, "Natale a Miami (Xmas in Miami) O_O
I think I lost a bunch of brain cells watching that...

Anyway, after that we came home (covered in snow :b), caught the end of "Johnny English" on tv, and then we watched a kind of Resume of 2005 made by a news program. I was turning my nose at the idea, I didn't really feel like depressing myself thinking about the Tsunami, Katrina, Jean Paul II dying and so on... but it was surprisingly interesting, I liked it. 8 months later, and when I saw Karol Wojtila's bit I still got teary eyed...
And that's how I saluted 2005 (thankfully it's OVER!) and welcomed 2006.

Today I was...in short, a mess.
I dunno what the hell came over me, but I went back worrying about dad, mom, and everything and I guess there must have been some extra hormones in the air cause I spent the day teary eyed. Hell, my mom noticed and that made it worst. I was having lunch with them and every once in a while, I'd feel myself tearing up again, wanting to avoid it at all costs cause I don't want them to see me like that. But I couldn't help it.
It was disconcerting.
Even tho I did get my tears in check, when we visited my cousins I felt awful. And there I did know the reason. I didn't want to go home. I see them, 3 siblings, so happy, they can relate on each other, their parents so close, such a tight united family and I'm like "I want it too. Gosh, I want it too, SO BAD". I felt bitter toward them not long ago, my grandma used to live 15 minutes from me, they took her away and now she lives next door to them, literally. She follows them around, does things only if she feels sure they'll be ok with it, I felt like they really had taken her away from me, the first grandchild.
I'm an egoist I guess, cause they're so nice... They knew I was going to be home alone tomorrow and they even invited me over, aunt said she was gonna pick me up in the morning. I wanted to go to the doc to ask fro dad, and so I'm not too happy about it, but we'll see what I'll do.

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